Doctor Vysarius

11. Nothing is Something

[Leopold’s observatory. Night.]

[Cool darkness and starlight through a great window. The astronomer is seated at his high telescope, taking note of what he sees through it. LORD PORKEO sits at his feet, still pawing at his mouth – some residue of VYSARIUS’ magic still lingers there. The clown’s white clothing glows in starlight.]

PORKEO.
Doctor? [pause] My doctor? What can you see through your great glass?

LEOPOLD.
Oh, nothing, nothing.

PORKEO.
Oh. [pause] Can I look?

LEOPOLD.
. . . No.

PORKEO.
Oh. [pause] Can I, though?

LEOPOLD.
. . . No.

PORKEO.
Rats.

[Long pause. LEOPOLD continues scribbling in his notebook.]

Doctor, my doctor?

LEOPOLD.
. . . Yes?

PORKEO.
What are you scribbling in your great book?

LEOPOLD.
Nothing, nothing.

PORKEO.
Nothing? Say nothing?

LEOPOLD.
Nothing.

PORKEO.
How nothing? Scribbling is something. Make something of nothing?

LEOPOLD.
Nothing is something.

PORKEO.
. . . Can I read it?

LEOPOLD.
. . . No.

PORKEO, frowning ridiculously.
I am a lord, you know.

LEOPOLD.
A lord of clowns is hardly lord of anything.

PORKEO.
What does a clown do, doctor?

LEOPOLD.
…What, clown?

PORKEO.
Make laughter, doctor. Why, he is the lord o’ laughs!

LEOPOLD.
. . . I am not laughing.

PORKEO.
All men laugh, doctor. Though, I grant you, I have met some that (they said) did not—looked sternly and would spit at chuckleheads. [intensely] But I got the giggles out of ’em yet! So, you see: all men laugh, doctor. Perpend: if clowns are lords o’ laughs—and all men laugh—why, they are lords o’ men! And, if I am lord o’ clowns, am I not lord o’ lords o’ men? Why, I am lord o’ laughers, and this wide world is made o’ laughers!

LEOPOLD, turning from his telescope, smiling.
Does that follow?

PORKEO.
Could be.

[PORKEO moves closer to LEOPOLD.]